fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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