Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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