he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
