How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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