Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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