I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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