I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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