I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Thank you for not boning my boss.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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