Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
