hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
