There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm getting married
To pizza
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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