All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
