WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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