So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
