we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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