I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
