If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
