dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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