this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
