3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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