At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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