Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
