can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
