I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
