Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
