i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
