are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
