**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
