Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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