Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
