My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
