So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
