saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
