yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
