I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
