drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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