Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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