so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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