Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
