By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
