he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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