Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
