is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
