He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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