I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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