You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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