I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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