"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
