i just had sex bonerless
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
