her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
